Finding the Silver Lining
Some of the worst times in my life have turned out to be the impetus to begin some of the best times in my life. When I was diagnosed with cancer, I stopped to examine my life in a close way. Although I didn’t make a lot of changes immediately, that thoughtful examination planted the seeds that led me to a marked improvement in my lifestyle and my health.
When circumstances combined so I was unable to maintain my private practice, my current life began. Though I had written several escape fantasies, I clung fiercely to the life that I knew. It was the only way forward that I could see. It’s only in retrospect that it becomes clear: what seemed like a destructive process was really a deliverance.
Writing and Spirituality
“Surrender” was one of several fantasy poems I wrote about escaping from the stress of the private practice of medicine. This poem was heavily influenced by the spiritual reading I had been doing at around the same time. I had been re-reading the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu. One of the interesting concepts of Taoism is the idea of the usefulness of emptiness.
The empty space inside a clay pot is what makes it useful. The empty space inside of a musical instrument is what makes it resonant and beautiful. The skillful Taoist butcher has a blade that is never dull because he guides it through the empty spaces between the joints.
But the emptiness would not exist without the fullness that creates it. The useful empty pot would not exist without the clay. The music inside a flute would not exist without the reed; neither would the trapped air which makes a raft float exist without balsa wood.
Most people are familiar with the yin/yang symbol, the symbol of Taoism. It represents the spectrum of duality, of polar opposites of which everything is made. Heat and cold, empty and full. The symbol also represents the fact that each half, whether dark or light, contains the seed of its opposite.
While these seem like heady, esoteric concepts, once they are grounded into the real-life skills of resilience and reframing, they begin to make some sense. The worst of times contains the seed for the best; when looked at in a different way, emptiness becomes useful.
Resilience and Reframing
These transition times have been painful, don’t get me wrong. But my life is more balanced and more fulfilling now that at any previous time. And I get to continue practicing resilience. Last week, I had a minor disappointment when I realized that my vision for a weekly writing class for my colleagues is going to have to be modified. The reality is that I can’t ask healthcare providers to be done with their workdays reliably on time.
I didn’t spend a lot of time being sad or angry. I began problem solving, and I began letting go of wanting things to be different than they are. These are the fruits of mindfulness. I sent an email out to the dozen or so people who had expressed interest in writing to find out when a monthly drop-in class might work. I’m not giving up on the idea, just on how it’s going to manifest.
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